1. |
||||
|
[instrumental]
|
||||
2. |
Unwanted
04:09
|
|||
|
by the lamp i lie awake as it's begun
under the threat of looming sun
i watch the lines crawl inch by inch
i taste the smoke upon my tongue
i close my eyes and wonder why it hurts
so much to be alive
i crush my nails into my palms
i wish for death to take my hand, lead me away tonight
born to suffer
born to hollow
born to be swallowed
born to live in misery
i am unwanted by the air i breath
the blood, and hair, and sweat, and teeth
unwanted by myself in void
the warmth of things that bring me joy
dissociated memories
it's never really felt by me
cold gathering where i reside
that cuts my flesh like knives
the gray that fills the void where i divide
the sinus rhythm charts a path into my flesh
hatred fighting, painting blossoms steering me to seething- mesh
fade to static put my hands upon my face
i hide from images of this place
underneath the weight of my disguise
a looming silence flashed before my eyes
the ticking clock moves inch by inch
i feel it bleed
never getting what i need
the pain
unwanted
the phantoms
the scent of grief
unwanted
the malice burning creeping up inside my mind
unwanted
a shallow grave outside
i am unwanted
|
||||
3. |
Doomed to Wander
03:22
|
|||
|
he opens his eyes as leaves the cave
the air is so thick he can almost touch it
the light's not as blinding as he would have thought
the sun has turned red, the ground is strewn with ash
everything is worse than he ever would have thought
imagining the world as he heard the explosions
he frowns upon the land that he once called home
doomed to wander alone forever
doomed to wander alone forever
a curse upon the land that he once called a home
doomed to wander alone forever
now there is nothing
falls to his knees
as the existential terror builds
rising in his chest
doomed to wander alone forever
a curse upon the land that he once called home
doomed to wander alone forever
|
||||
4. |
Wrought
03:32
|
|||
|
out from underneath the pages
out into the air that gave you life
back into the place before you turned your head
you fucking coward
out from underneath the fire
out into the breath that gave you life
holding onto your convictions like they'll save you from perdition
holding onto false esteem
the ground beneath your feet will give in time
let the weight of your choices bring you down
it's going to be a long way to fall
sliding further into the hubris
there is no coming back
convinced that there's no other way to live
someone like you cannot be saved
condemned to live in shame
the lives that you've broken
and the ones you will meet
they all will all converge in the end
you will be forced to atone for what you've done
for what you have wrought
now how does it feel to know you're dying alone with the burdens you've wrought?
the passage of time will only wear away till you're nothing but your own mistakes
now how does it feel to know you're dying with only your burdens?
the passage of time will only wear away until you're nothing but your own mistakes
now how does it feel to know you're dying with only your burdens?
the passage of time will only wear away till you're nothing but your own mistakes
|
||||
5. |
Blow for Blow
03:17
|
|||
|
the wall was the beginning of a rebellion
a catalyst that brought maligned together
soldiers marched upon the graves of men and women
and the oppressed who shouldered burdens from the pious
fought to preserve the safety of the future children
their spirits carved their pain into the walls
preserved in carbon to be heard for generations
and all were forced to finally hear their stifled voices
take form of echoes from the past that we take pride in
we take pride in
the blood that spilled to serve for our avail
the nameless crowd that rioted and wet their tongues with spit
for the faces of the cabinet that betrayed us
betrayers
who turned their backs on their own people
betrayers
but they will never take our pride from us
no they will have to try harder than that
cowards
remember the impact of their footprints
so we may follow in them for times to come
|
||||
6. |
Gravecaller
04:13
|
|||
|
beneath your dirt and rotting soil
the hand that lifts you up will hold you down
the inexorable aura, it draws you in
dissolving in its presence
until there's none of you left
bottled trauma, bad memories
it is a stench that one can't forget
one that will never wash out
the inexorable aura, it draws you in
beneath your dirt and rotting soil
the hand that lifts you up will hold you down
|
||||
7. |
The Gray
03:16
|
|||
|
the gray, it comes and goes
my permeable skin accepts it and releases it like lungs
colors seem less bright, grayscale much darker, and neon becomes pastel
a shape shifter, but only i can see it as the mirror's only reflecting my image to me
trying to be patient with those don't believe me
but they have to be so god damned insistent that it becomes an irritation
let me suffer, let me scream out in vain
without a pittance of tar disguised as honey poured down my throat
good intentions don't make the wrong words right
argumentation is not an invitation for discussion
good intentions do not make the wrong words right
the blind argue with the sighted over things neither can see
i know that jealousy begets an unfairness of anger
but when you have your face pressed into your own waste like a dog
by flippancy and pretend understanding, you can't help getting a little bitter
they are the scope through which i see everything i desire but can't have
i see their wonderful configurations; the extruder through which they were pressed
was shaped like a star, while mine was a half moon
to be cursed and hung upon a cross in the shape of a Y
stumbling over excess baggage
mourning the loss of children who never existed and will never exist
an empty tummy, a branch that ends abruptly, which grows leaves but no fruit
i am hated by others for existing and by myself for not
i was picked the lecherous overripe fruit that can't be trusted
to attempt a change by peeling back my skin reveals a soft and appealing pulp at the cost of rotting
i am trapped in a cell of flesh and bone
the shell that carries me is not my own
|
||||
8. |
Suffer the Phantoms
03:20
|
|||
|
a figure emerges from the static
and as it approaches me, i hear the ringing again
i am suffocated by fear and submerged in silence
take me away
open your arms and let me fall inside
i will descend into the depths of the unknown
away from all the light
away from every hindrance
i cannot be alone here, every night i feel fear for my life
i wish to sever all the suffering, and every feeling left
decades of running have gotten to me
pain is eternal in my suffering
the figure is reaching out, it has marked me for death
hollow voices echo in my mind as the fire in me starts to wane
breaking me down
i feel it latch onto my mind
digging through my memories to exploit all of my fears
the gray featureless phantoms that surround me take my hands
guide me to my demise
fingers writhe around my eyes
faces i don't recognize
mock me as i sink inside
|
||||
9. |
Frail Autonomy
04:25
|
|||
|
holding me tightly
i can't breathe
i let my fears drive
every decision that i make
i am terrified of everything
i live in fear
i live in fear for my life
all of the comforts i'm used to
i am terrified
i am terrified of having it taken from me
i never live a single day of my life
i make my choices but my choices also make me
i cannot see
i cannot see what everyone else sees
i live in a perpetual smoke screen
anxiety controls everything that i do
making me useless to myself and everyone else who relies upon me
i just want to live
i just want some form of autonomy
i don't want to be frozen in fear for the rest of my life
i need to break free or i'm going to lose my fucking mind
break free of this frail autonomy
|
||||
10. |
Decay
03:11
|
|||
|
[instrumental]
|
||||
11. |
Fade
04:21
|
|||
|
malice breeding illness everlasting
nothing really seems to even matter anymore
i crack a smile and appease them
maybe i'm dead
maybe i am suffocating
what does it help if i can feel my soul escaping?
soothing agony awaits me every time i close the door
i hate this
i hate pretending
i hate deserving
i'm sick of rejecting
these little blue shapes
i saw blue skies
but now i only see the ocean that i'm drowning in
finding me revelry, bathe me in misery
holding my hand
numbing outside
fogging the glass
wiping me clean
grinning becomes gritting of teeth
the air smells of salt and it's burning my skin
undulating body under masses of muscle and sinew
gives away the illusion of knowing that i'm okay
forfeit
you'll live
cave in
happenstance is everything material
harboring, malignant
empty terminal
eyes like coffins
tell me, how's it feel?
teething on a brand new emotion i can trust
i don't know if what i'm feeling is even real
i see through my eyes but i do not recognize the body
blood labored to facetious mimes and dances
painted in a frame crooked, cracked to perfection
fatal injection of confidence brings me crashing down
i thought that i had finally found something that i could live in
galvanized and shaking
something sated her in her midst
another broken promise
everything you say, now i will admit
i cannot bear to listen anymore
anymore
fading to gray
i don't know who i am anymore
|
||||
12. |
Lights Get Darker
03:30
|
|||
|
it always feels like i am turning my back on the ocean
harbored and longing- feels like betrayal
keep you inside of a locket
take you out again when i want to feel you breathe
watching my knuckles turn white
as the tips of my fingers burn blue
creep up my spine as our lives intertwine
maybe this is okay?
i cannot pretend anymore
i hate myself for feeling this way
i must stand still but my feet push me forward
hanging on words and promises
my stomach feels so empty
picking up the pieces from another failure
i cannot stop destroying relationship after relationship
how many men do i have to break the hearts of before i am satisfied?
every light burns twice as bright until i put them out at night
every light gets darker till i die
|
||||
13. |
Mono no Aware
03:34
|
|||
|
[instrumental]
|
||||
14. |
Control
03:33
|
|||
|
i was an excuse for you to have control
i always did as i was told
i always showed my stomach
what is it that i want?
you would tell me what you want me to need
trapped inside of a cell called home
even in my head
i will fucking hate you but i won't ever admit it
guilt in every step that i took
nothing would ever be good enough for you
even when i bow my head
for you to remove
you would push me more and more
till every limb was gone
i was an excuse for you to have control
i won't do as you said now
i won't show my stomach
rotting beneath our feet
hatred that never leaves
happy now just to spite
embracing all the feelings that i used to fight
now you'll never see who i became
you ran from me like a coward
abandoned your family
you coward
rot alone
rot alone
|
||||
15. |
Bleeding Out
02:41
|
|||
|
i feel it in my face
it comes back now
enter, alter my skin
overthinking again
i'm bleeding
i'm bleeding out
it hurts
it cuts deeper
bleeding
i'm bleeding out
it hurts
it cuts deeper
until i wake up
nightmares plaguing eternal
i hate knowing that it is waiting
for me to fall sleep
i'm so exhausted, i just want to rest
but it won't leave me alone
please let me rest
i can't take much more of this
dreams are suppressed
by a theater of nightmares
visions of dying
being abandoned
loved ones who hate me
grief i'm escaping
memories i'd like to forget
bleeding
i'm bleeding out
it hurts
it cuts deeper
bleeding
i'm bleeding out
it hurts
it cuts deeper
|
||||
16. |
Love Parasocial
03:36
|
|||
|
i've had friends who i have stayed up with on the phone on a work night all night long
listening to them cry as they fall asleep so they don't feel alone in their misery
i have friends who i have bought clothes and food for when i could not afford to feed myself at work
and i've had friends who i have spent weeks talking down while i was having thoughts of my own
but i never asked for a single thing in return but their friendship
and i didn't give a fuck about keeping score
i knew that they needed help more than i did
and i felt that this is what it meant to be a friend
i always say i have support when someone asks
but the truth is that i keep it to myself
i hate the thought of inconveniencing friends when they already have so much going on
but now i need their help more than ever
now i feel i have no one i can ask
why is it okay to fucking treat me this way?
i cannot imagine hearing someone that i call a best friend telling me they're afraid to be alone
and turning my back and ridiculing them for not being their best when they're turning to stone
i never want to be a fucking parasite but i might have to admit that it's alright having to be a little bit selfish sometimes when i need a hand holding up my head when i don't think i can
you acknowledge what i'm going through
but you don't seem to understand
don't expect me to ever put myself out for you again
the damage that you've done is irreversible
and i'm doing my best to see it from your side and understand
but the face of death has been looming just in front of me
and god dammit it changes your perspective just a little bit and reminds you of what you're capable of doing for the ones that you love
i just want to provide
i just want to be there
i just want to be me
i just want this to end
|
||||
17. |
Gyroscopic Precession
03:37
|
|||
|
how many times to i have to repeat the same old story for you?
every time you push i divert further from my course
just let me perish, adrift forever
aimless in the void of space
what is the point of trying my best
when it always leads to the same fucking place that i started in the end?
endless rotations
cycles that revolve in an orbit around the same fucking problems
deviation is death
kill it off
let the hope die
carving out a hole in the planet where i lie
making it into a home where i can live
perishing among misery
put a fucking end to the vicious fucking cycling now
this is not the way that i wanted to go
every method that i have tried to escape
has always lead me down to the same fucking path
try again
it is not over until you die
there is always hope
someone will be there
even if you don't want them to be
there is always support
|
||||
18. |
Dissociated
03:12
|
|||
|
heavy eyes backset on the top of a nose that only knows how to bleed
it’s really been a long time since i felt worse than i do right now looking at myself out of body
it comes to me via proxy externally yet somehow i see everything through my eyes
but my eyes are not in my head
cameras surveilling life in third person
this is torture
i cannot feel with my own hands
sleeping makes me feel worse
something is always out to get me
nightmares every night
my presence is tenuous in this hell i live in
|
||||
19. |
||||
|
freezing is the ice
that marks where you slept
bloodshot are the eyes
that covered when they wept
confessions made at night
neither a harbor nor a home
vanishing from sight
now heavy lies the stone
the light gets closer
every time i look outside
keeping me awake til i die
i can't take these illusions
there were no promises kept
you lived the story
now we're all the conclusion
there is nothing left for me
the wretched whirring of the jaws of a machine
that cannot sate its appetite
until there's nothing left to glean
oh how it must be lonely standing at the top
never knowing when to stop
heavy lies your hand
turn the broken hourglass
violent is the wave that breaks
deeper is the grave beneath
feeling it erode flesh from bone
this is how it ends
violent is the wave that breaks
trampled underfoot like graves
fearful is the ground that shakes
you will atone for the future you've made
|
||||
20. |
Panic Room
05:24
|
|||
|
agony enveloping the body like a coiled serpent
crushing it to death and rendering the components- now subjected to the weight of the overwhelming burden of everything you never want to do- worthless and meaningless, confined to the floor
pathetic, pouring fluids, a hollowed carcass filled with regrets and fear
powerless and alone
“empty terminal
eyes like coffins
tell me, how’s it feel?”
rapidly aging
i cannot come to terms
there is a pit inside my stomach growing every year
and the bigger it gets, the further i slip
into its grasping hand
waking up feels worse and worse now every fucking day
i hate the sight of my room
and i hate to look out the window and see that same god damned street
that i take to go to the same fucking places
and do the same fucking shit that i do every day of my life in a endless cycle of lies
i hate this place
growing in my veins
replacing all my value
what little flesh remains
i savor the paint that deceives you
when the face is stripped of all of its artificial flesh
and the idea of me emerges
as it weighs heavily on my chest
the gray longs for my warmth as i drown in ichor
the freezing blackness that coats my heart
the leech that drains my blood and leaves me there to die
“mother do you see me when i peel away the skin?
and maybe father doesn’t hear me when i’m needing help again
i just wish i could fucking touch someone without hurting them
i just wish that i could touch someone without hurting them
god dammit look at what you’ve fucking done to me
all i wanted was a family”
|
||||
Codex Obscura North Carolina
i am a depressed meat robot that outputs deathcore about how bad i feel all of the time. i write and record all the music, and most unfortunately, i engineer it as well.
If you like Codex Obscura, you may also like:
supported by 13 fans who also own “Codex Obscura”
Can we all just step back for a moment and appreciate what an awesome band name Nightmarer is?
go to album
supported by 11 fans who also own “Codex Obscura”
The Molten Larva is one of, if not THE MOST, pissed off track(s) I've ever heard thus far..
go to album
supported by 10 fans who also own “Codex Obscura”
Ultimate ending. This kind of *shite* brings me to tears...
go to album
featured on Bandcamp Radio Mar 18, 2021
go to album
featured on Bandcamp Radio Oct 28, 2022
go to album
Blackening Skies
by Into The Silo
Chicago deathcore outfit Into the Silo torch everything in sight on this searing new LP with riffs that will leave bruises.
go to album
Orange Mathematics
by Frontierer
supported by 10 fans who also own “Codex Obscura”
Quite possibly the most full-on album I've ever listened to. Intense, and then some. 'Digital Tarpit' could describe both the track and the whole album: high-pitched guitar squeals that make your fillings itch coupled with merciless, suffocating heaviness. The Avenell-esque vocals top it off perfectly. Brilliant - punishing, but brilliant.
go to album
