Holy Teachings of Self Defeat

by Codex Obscura

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about

This album is a bunch of melodramatic ramblings written by me about how poopy I think religion is, how I blame religion for a lot of my self esteem and self image issues, suicide, a song about circumcisions for some reason, and my dad.

credits

released November 5, 2016

Miira - Everything

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license

all rights reserved

about

Codex Obscura North Carolina

I'm a transgender death metal artist from North Carolina who gets all riled up and screams words really hard into a microphone. I write and record all the music, and most unfortunately, I mix it as well.

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Track Name: Our Lord is One of War
Fulilling man's visceral desire deep down inside
To rape and kill and torture human beings like the animals we are
Under the shadow of the hands of God, everything is justified
Spit poison in the faces of the heathens
Enslave their wives and crucify the men

The stench of blood fills the air in the night

Raid the villages, burn down the cities
Make the name of the Lord one to be feared

Our Lord is one of war
Teach the masses not to worship false idols
Track Name: The Fetishist
Every eye upon me stares with hate and contempt
I can't leave home without feeling followed
Dripping fear like I'm covered in sweat
Will is breaking, hands are shaking and I am alone
Filled with anxiety, I can feel my heart beating inside me

This is the skin I'm at home in, I'm supposed to be confident

I don't belong

This world doesn't want me, I won't be accepted
I can't shake this feeling everybody hates me
I don't want your pity, I just want to finally
Feel like I'm worth something to someone special

I am an embarrassment to everyone I know

I hate myself

It's not my fault

I will never be happy
Track Name: Temporary Comfort
Every day I wake up, I dread getting out of bed
I wonder if I have made a terrible mistake

Weighing on my conscience
I can't take this feeling anymore

I did this for you so you wouldn't feel alone
This fucking aching is becoming unbearable

I can't take this anymore
I can't take being alone anymore
Track Name: Holy Teachings of Self Defeat
Corrupted by the words of the so-called father
A false prophet with a message of hatred
Infecting every single thought inside my head
Defeating me until I prayed for death

I was your prisoner

How can you call yourself a god?

Your name is disgrace

Every day I'm inching closer
to the person I want to see in the morning when I wake up
and I got here without you

But still these etchings crawl inside my skin
I want to tear you away
I want to erase you

Living on the inside
Wanting to come outside
Living on the inside
I will come out
Track Name: Breeding to Shame
Circumsicions
The marking of the surgeon
Mutilating the newborns
In the name of God

Your body is filthy, shameful sin
You will learn to hate your sexuality
Copulation is a tool for creation only

Dehumanized and baptised in blood
Open up the child's mind to feed
on his innocence, rape him of his pride

Bastard child you are a son of God
Track Name: The Guilt Delusion
Opened wide and ripped to pieces
Carrying out the blood of your will
The deeds are done now, I am me no more

Speaking to me through the airwaves

Something's not right
I'm not who I see in the mirror
I don't know who it is or how they got there
This image never fades away

Bound and broken
I feel the chains of the Lord tightening ever tighter
I can't breathe I can't speak I can't feel I am losing my grip on reality
Speaking to me through the airwaves and throughout my mind
I cannot feel pain anymore
I have lost, I submit, you have won

Fighting to feel something other than my guilt
I have done nothing wrong but still I feel this emptiness
Track Name: The Inheritance of Grief
The end comes more quickly than you would know
I have stood on the edge and peered over
I felt free of all my pain

But when I think of the plunge
I start to turn away
I cannot leave them behind, cursed for my suffering

Giving up is not the end of your life
Your pain lives on inside the hearts of everyone you know
Everyone you loved

You selfish bastard
You will find a way
Your pain lives on in the hearts of everyone you know
Everyone you loved

The grief of loss consumes you whole
This burden of grief rests on your shoulders

Life finds a way
Track Name: Burden
Open sores from head to toe in the shapes of a few names
Put her aside, she is an embarrassment to everyone
Love is pick and choose, fuse one and one and there is option left
Walking side by side by side

Let the burden die
I emerge from the exit wound as a bullet aimed straight for the head
Now it's raining and I'm left at a crossroads with no way home
Open it by the spine and let the words fall out

Let the flood carry me to a place where no one knows my name
I will start again and be burned at the stake for stealing gold from the king who stole it all from me
I will never stop because I like the pain

I want to die inside and feel it slip away
The torment rips me apart and makes me feel alive
Do it to us again and remind me that I'm still here
Track Name: Holy Malevolence
I am the air that follows
With the shadow as my veil
I will abolish all human instincts

Engraved in my countenance
Thousands of years of holy malevolence, death and war

Do not spare the kin
For they know not what they have done
Track Name: Virus
Hatred collapsing down and in on itself
like the vile fucking plague that surrounds it
Abhorrent figures with ignorant minds
seeking only one comforting image

I deny
I am alive

Rotting flesh permeates the air
A child is crying its grave

Piled in the dirt
Clawing my way back
Up into the cold night air

Ashes; the children in the background

Taking back what's mine from the virus
Track Name: A Noose for the Wretch
Ghosts of your actions instantiate panic
Quick to pull the trigger regardless of your aim
Breaking promises while making new ones you can't keep
Assure them that you're capable; embody disappointment

No one's unfailing but you keep setting yourself up
When the shock hits your bones and the roof caves in

Living off the backs of others, claiming to succeed
Open up the noose and take a look inside
Now you will see what it looks like when it all comes crashing down
Goodnight to the ones that I loved
Track Name: Ghost
I don't know if I'm losing my grip
Or if I know too much
Numbing fingers feeling for a surface
Maybe I'm just losing my touch
Laugh it off when I'm searching for help
Nothing so priceless
Should feel this worthless
Nothing I do feels any less pointless

I never stopped to help
But I did begin to resent you
You never taught me anything about myself
But when you gave up trying
You taught me how to cope
With losing my whole life
I know you were scared-
Imagine the fear in a child having to watch
as its mother loses everything
I could do nothing as mother cried her eyes out
I could not use death as an excuse

Goodbye to the ghost of shallow company
Goodbye to the ghost that taught me how to quit
I wish you were here to see how happy I am
I miss you
Now I breathe these words in solitude
These words that I wish that I didn't know
I miss you