Miira

by Codex Obscura

supported by
Dayton Bremner
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Dayton Bremner This album is quite wonderful, y'know in the angry, screeching way.

And it's exactly what I need right now. Favorite track: A Color Louder Than Life.
Mehtul
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Mehtul When you listen to any of the Codex Obscura releases, you get an incredibly honest release of real human experience (plus musicianship and song writing skills that put the point right in your face). One of my favorite musicians on Bandcamp. Thank you for sharing this with us. Favorite track: Fear Made a Home in Me.
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about

this album is a series of vignettes representing different periods of my life, mostly in relation to my transition and the eventual acceptance of myself.
Miira is more personal sounding and experimental than Holy Teachings of Self Defeat, so i hope you like it just as well.

credits

released June 19, 2017

Miira - Everything

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Codex Obscura North Carolina

I'm a transgender death metal artist from North Carolina who gets all riled up and screams words really hard into a microphone. I write and record all the music, and most unfortunately, I mix it as well.

contact / help

Contact Codex Obscura

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Track Name: Fear Made a Home in Me
Weighted in my stomach like an anchor
A fear of every person that I met
Fear of myself and why I'm alive
I hid underneath the covers

I made up stories to feel important
Interviews with no one to feel like my words mattered
My life it was significant to the imaginary viewers
Until they would all disappear

My mother she cared for me like no one else did
Every time she left my sight I was sure that she was gone
You're the only one I cared about, you're the only one I needed
Please don't leave me here alone
Track Name: No Company
I am a fear of life
I am intolerable loneliness
I am a guilty sinner
I am the filthy boy
I am the shelter dog who lies in wait

Put me out with fire
Shut me with duress

Open up my insides
Reprogrammed to never feel a thing
I will sit inside my room
And play with no one but myself
As you wish

Keep me full with lies
So I will never hunger
Set and severed

No company to visit me
Track Name: To Suffer in Silence
A silent puncture bleeding me out
I wish I could tell someone
I wish I could tell you
A silent breaking that I feel inside my heart
When you say those hurtful things
When you're punching all those holes
and you're unaware it's me

Sitting alone steeping in anger
I wish I could remove
I wish that I could change
I wish that I could tell someone

I wish I could stand on my legs
I wish I could walk on my own
I wish that I wasn't alone
I wish I had a home
I wish I wasn't me

My reflection's unfamiliar
A stranger making faces at me
This isn't right, this can't be me
This isn't my body, this must be a mistake

I clung onto God
He threw me away
Track Name: A Hole in Between
I am worth less than the sum of my parts
I am a haunted house
I am a fading light
I am parting ways with cherished things
I am a hatred of all living things
I am the moonlight colored green
I am the hole in between
I am a vacancy
I am a hole between
I am your love unseen
I am a hole between
Track Name: Gray and Red
Assume your grieving stance
A flowing river falling through your fingertips
It pools in the form of regrets
Time will not stand still for you
This is a tomb, not a chrysalis
You won't evolve while you're playing dead
The color in the world around you fades away
The blood you draw highlights your shame

You live at home in gray and red
You make your bed on fear and anger

No time for reparations
There is no consoling the dead
Maligned in stringent patterns
You know you swallowed the key
Asleep in tried excuses
Break down and fall away
Your skin is laced with imprints
Your weakness in the flesh

You live at home in gray and red
You make your bed on fear and anger

Waking up to the sound of heartache
Your hands were bleached with dirty fingernails

Coming back
Slipping up
Don't come home
We're not safe
Open up
Fall apart
Beaten down
I stood up

I want to taste the blood that pools on my tongue
I want to smell the blood that spills from your mouth
I want to know you're suffering alone
I want the tears you stole to choke you to death
Track Name: Eyes Toward the Sun
I am a hopeful idea
I am a box of pins
I am the glue in between
I am progress dressed like indifference
I am the shore in the distance
I am a bronze statue

So far from where I began
My eyes soak up the skyline
My feet are firmly planted
And my footprints have washed away

Bigger than the world
Conscience facing me

Eyes toward the sun
I won't be lost here
I make my own way forward

Slipping…
Track Name: 4 AM
I wear the night like a shroud
The light illuminates my face
My life means nothing
I merely perpetuate the agony of existence

I have no reason to stay awake
But here I am in a cloud of smoke
The stinging cold my face
It makes me feel like I'm alive
It makes me feel like I am dying alone

Everything feels numb

Take one look in the mirror
Before ascending back up to your cell
The anger and fear you feel right now-
In the face of a man who wants you dead
-It's only natural
I love you more than I love myself
But there's a line that I must cross to get to you

There is a man that I must kill to get to you
It is myself
I am the trap I set for you

The numbers on the screen,
They don’t mean a thing now
Oh the weeks how they bleed
And I feel my body aging
I can feel my teeth rotting

Seconds tick away
I’m getting older and my time is nearly up
I lie on empty laurels coveting from a distance
and I want to know why I can’t just move
to find another reason why I can’t jump off

I swear it’s not a sickness
these things they come in whispers
and I’m the one who hears it
and you’re the one who leaves me
Track Name: I Bore My Teeth
I am a guiding light
I am the solid ground
I am starting over
I am making way

Open up
Facing the only way forward
I made a stand
I bore my teeth
Feelings that I have hid
I am so done with it all

I am the flightless bird that sings
(I am so done with it all)
I am a road at night

I am a sea of change
I am the marking of a newborn

This was my final farewell
I am here to stay forever
Track Name: A Color Louder Than Life
Memories embedded in the pages
Images infect me like a sickness
I just want this to be over
I won't be happy till it kills me

Please speak to me slowly, I'm sorry if I don't understand
This is the first year of my life that I have lived without considering
taking my own life and flushing everything down the drain
And if it's true that we are all our own gods
Then I guess the question has been answered
Cause I have created so many things
That I am too weak to lift up on my own

I lived within the fading
Shallow pools of empathy
You found the one that deepened
you made it an ocean

The sun has never been so bright
The wind will take my breath away

Now I feel like I've found myself
I can live on the outside
I was touched on the hand
You grabbed it and pulled me in

The faded colors, they start to saturate
Now they are so much brighter
now they're louder than life

The features they come to light

You helped me see the picture
A view beyond the frame
We made my life together
You showed me pain's okay
We took and smashed the mirror
Put a window in its place
Cause what's the point of beauty
If we all look the same?
I wanna believe that I'm alright
No more basking in pain
The leaves turn brown and fall away
But new ones always take their place
I am the Autumn of my life
I am no longer the fall
Track Name: Miira
Sometimes I hurt but that's okay
I'll be fine, I will stand, I will lift my head up
Sometimes I feel like I'm alone and that's okay
I'll open up, I will breathe slowly, I will say your name

The needle pierces gently
I'll bite my lip and smile
Cause I know the patchwork will look lovely
My scars tell stories now, they no longer define me

I did this for me
I put myself first
For the first time in my life

Now to anyone who has ever put doubt in me;
I don’t care if it seems wrong to you
I've found something that makes me feel okay and it took 25 years to make it here
So god dammit even if I’m wrong
At least it feels alright like nothing else ever has before
At least I don’t wake up in the morning feeling like my life is a lie
At least I don’t toss and turn when I’m going to sleep being crushed under the weight of wasted time
A few years ago I wished for death every day but I didn’t feel I deserved even that
Now I’m standing naked in my bathroom, looking in the mirror crying cause I know I almost never got a chance to see this image staring back at me
She almost never had a chance to live and love and know the beauty of the world
Now I’m alive to be thankful for all the people who cherish me
My existence has a meaning now, and I couldn't care less if it seems right to you or not
My name is Miira and I'm going to be alright
I'm going to be alright
I'm going to be okay
I'm going to be fine