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A Color Louder Than Life

from Miira by Codex Obscura

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about

ages 23-25

memories of how easy life used to be living as a man plagued me, but seeing images of it made me sick, and it's hard to think i will ever be okay with how my life was before. i am no longer suicidal or self harming, and i have accepted that sometimes i need emotional help from people. my partner has shown me that i'm okay how i am, that i am not abnormal or disgusting, and has shown me how beautiful and wonderful life can be. everything seems brighter, more colorful, and more alive. i've fallen in love with the color pink, and in a way, it's overwhelming the dark and hateful person i'm still attempting to suppress. i've stopped being my own worst enemy and started supporting myself, and now that i have lived full time as a woman for a while, my agoraphobia and social anxiety have almost completely disappeared

Lyrics:

lyrics

Memories embedded in the pages
Images infect me like a sickness
I just want this to be over
I won't be happy till it kills me

Please speak to me slowly, I'm sorry if I don't understand
This is the first year of my life that I have lived without considering
taking my own life and flushing everything down the drain
And if it's true that we are all our own gods
Then I guess the question has been answered
Cause I have created so many things
That I am too weak to lift up on my own

I lived within the fading
Shallow pools of empathy
You found the one that deepened
you made it an ocean

The sun has never been so bright
The wind will take my breath away

Now I feel like I've found myself
I can live on the outside
I was touched on the hand
You grabbed it and pulled me in

The faded colors, they start to saturate
Now they are so much brighter
now they're louder than life

The features they come to light

You helped me see the picture
A view beyond the frame
We made my life together
You showed me pain's okay
We took and smashed the mirror
Put a window in its place
Cause what's the point of beauty
If we all look the same?
I wanna believe that I'm alright
No more basking in pain
The leaves turn brown and fall away
But new ones always take their place
I am the Autumn of my life
I am no longer the fall

credits

from Miira, released June 19, 2017

license

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about

Codex Obscura North Carolina

i am a depressed meat robot that outputs deathcore about how bad i feel all of the time. i write and record all the music, and most unfortunately, i engineer it as well.

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