scars

by Codex Obscura

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1.
01:54

about

i was very frustrated when i was a kid
i didn't understand why i couldn't stop feeling like i was alone
i didn't understand why i felt hatred for myself, my face, my body
i didn't understand why i had the genitalia i did, i wanted to get rid of it
i didn't understand why i wanted to wear dresses and makeup and be and look like my sisters
i stopped taking care of myself regularly because i didn't care about myself and i didn't deserve it
i didn't understand why i wanted to die

when i was 13 or 14 i started thinking very seriously about killing myself
i isolated myself from my family, i had no friends, i stayed in my room all day every day thinking about taking my life
when my life fell apart entirely at 15, i decided to try going to public school
i learned about hurting myself on purpose there and i loved it

i punched things until my hands bled
i punched and slapped myself
i dug my nails into my skin
i rubbed off the skin on my hands with erasers
i put staples in my arms and legs
i heated up lighters and put them against my skin until they went cool

i did this because i felt like i deserved it
i hated myself and i couldn't feel happiness and i always felt alone
i had stopped taking care of myself completely and my teeth started to rot
i hated being a man and i didn't feel like i had a choice
i was ugly, mean, hateful, and disgusting

this song is about that

credits

released May 10, 2017

Miira - Everything

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license

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about

Codex Obscura North Carolina

I'm a transgender death metal artist from North Carolina who gets all riled up and screams words really hard into a microphone. I write and record all the music, and most unfortunately, I mix it as well.

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